So excited - I've got Jenna Jaxon on Erotic Notions today!!! Yay!!!!! Running around like crazy. Okay breathe. Calms self down. When Jenna and I discussed her visiting, I said go crazy. Do what you like. And this is what crazy fun Jenna created.
The Erotic Romance Writer’s Shopping List
People have such strange misconceptions about writers of erotic romance. You would think we weren’t normal people, for God’s sake. To paraphrase from Shakespeare’s Shylock “If you prick us, do we not bleed (ink)? If you tickle us, do we not laugh (to break the sexual tension)? If you poison us, do we not die (ask the mystery writer that one)? And if you wrong us, do we not revenge (famous romance trope!)? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that.” See, we’re just like all you readers out there, trying to live our mundane little lives in-between creative bursts when we do our research and then fire off a novel or two.
To prove that I’m just like you, I thought I’d share my shopping list. There may be an odd item or two in-between the milk, butter, eggs, and bread. But see if most of these items aren’t on your list as well.
1. Treasures of the Sea Bath Salts by Kama Sutra--makes a hot bath feel like you’re soaking in
2. 2 thick bath towels: what feels better after a long hot soak in a hot tub than to towel off in
soft, fresh towels (1 per person)
3. Candles - with soft scents for atmosphere (nothing better for romance than perfumed
candlelight) or unscented for dripping onto a delicately curved back or buttock
4. Matches - to light the candles
5. Oil of Love Scented Oil by Kama Sutra (a favorite brand)--massage oil for all those delicious
nooks and crannies as well as other parts. Strawberries and Champagne is a favorite.
6. Hershey’s Chocolate Kisses- for eating or melting and dripping onto delectable body parts
7. Paint brush - for painting that chocolate all over a body
8. Strawberries - also can be dipped into the chocolate and consumed
9. Champagne - goes great with strawberries (remember Pretty Woman?) and can be sipped
from any indentation
10. Peacock feather - gorgeous feather for hitting all those ticklish spots
11. 2 yards turquoise silk - can be cut into lengths for soft restraint ties and a blindfold
12. 1/2 dozen roses - strip five roses and scatter the petals over the crisp sheets; use 6th rose all
over your lover’s body
13. Heart-shaped ice cube trays - not necessarily for use in champagne; if the hot wax or
chocolate don’t turn you on, a cooling ice cube down your back or buttock might hit the spot
14. Disposable razors - you never know when someone’s going to need a little trim
15. “C” batteries - because you don’t want to run out just when you need them most
16. Deck of playing cards - Strip poker (or Rummy), anyone?
17. 3 boxes of various color and textured condoms - because variety is the spice of life
Of course there are other items that might make it onto a specialty list--items found in stores like Kiss and Make-up, The Love Shack, Bed Behavior, The Pleasure Chest, or Next to Naked.
Lingerie items--like thongs, corsets, fishnets and garter belts, see-through teddies, and a pole to best show them all off on.
Toys - A Love Swing, Hanky Spank Me Vibrating Panty, Fetish Fantasy Bondage Chair, Heart Paddle, and Black Light Sex Dice.
So, I think I’ve clearly shown that we erotic romance writers have our little fun items, just like you do too. Well, I’m off to go shopping! But I’ll leave you with an excerpt from my last erotic novella, Almost Perfect. Pam and Roger are stranded on a deserted island, so no shopping for them! They have to make due with sand and water and a romantic dinner for two. That could actually be enough!
Excerpt from Almost Perfect:
“I worked night and day at softWares, since before our divorce, until the business took off in January. Then I started to cut back, to have a life again. And I found I was lonely. I’d cut myself off from all my friends, and I won’t date employees, so there weren’t a lot of choices left—the bar scene or online dating. Neither option seemed attractive. Until a friend persuaded me 1Night Stand was different, the perfect way to ‘jump start’ my return to life.” He chuckled. “I can’t wait to tell Dave how his suggestion turned out.”
“Yeah, I’ll have to tell Sue her birthday gift didn’t work out so well either.”
“Birthday gift?” His eyes widened and he smacked his open palm to his forehead. “Damn! That’s why this date sounded so familiar. Sorry, Pam. Happy Birthday.”
She smiled at the perfunctory words, though the smile dissolved as he leaned forward, grasped her cheeks and kissed her.
Pam tensed, sucked in air, and her arms rose as though to push him away. But the silky feel of his lips on hers, firm as they pressed again and again, his tongue brushing against the seam, beguiled her. The Roger she remembered never kissed like this. She opened her mouth to tell him so, which allowed his tongue to slip through. The taste of champagne and a little salty tang from the seafood created an unexpectedly erotic flavor. So when her hands made contact with his shoulders, they didn’t push away, but urged him closer. His exploration stopped, he released her face and drew back.
“Well.” He sounded breathy, as though he’d just run a race. “Happy Birthday.”
“Wha…what the hell was that?” Her voice was low like his, her breathing as erratic.
“Just a kiss.” He grabbed his champagne and downed it.
“You never kissed me like that when we were married.” If he had, would they even be there?
“I guess I’ve learned a few things in the time we’ve been apart. And how much could you have expected anyway? We were both virgins when we met.”
She winced. “Don’t remind me! The techno-geek and the movie queen. Positively the worst case of dual deflowering in history. Talk about the blind leading the blind.”
“Well, I’m not blind anymore.” He set his glass on the table. “In fact, I’ve seen some extraordinary things….” His hand cupped her head again and she sat mesmerized as he drew her near. This time his tongue licked the outer rim of her ear, sending strings of chills along her arms. “You used to like this, I remember.”
“Roger.…” She needed to get out of there—because she wanted to stay so badly.
His tongue continued around her lobe, his breath tickling her neck as his head descended to the collar of her shirt. She gasped as the cloth fell open. When had he learned to unbutton buttons so fast? He followed an exquisitely torturous trail down to her nipple, peaked and ready for him. As he latched onto the sensitive tip and tugged with his teeth, the crotch of her shorts flooded with her desire.
She moaned and shook her head. “We shouldn’t do this. You want your perfect fantasy date.” He continued to tease and torment the crest, until her breath came in gasps.
“Tonight I’ll take almost perfect, Pam.”